


The Sunflower

by giantslinky



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Angsty Schmoop, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:06:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giantslinky/pseuds/giantslinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared would never get used to seeing Jensen cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wilting

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing j2. So I hope it's ok. (English is not my first language)

Jared would never get used to seeing Jensen cry. It didn't get easier with time, it was more like the opposite. His heart broke when he realized that he'd probably seen Jensen cry at least once in every single room in their home. Their home, which was supposed to be a happy and peaceful one. But  it was almost meant to be a place where Jensen could relax and feel safe. He _needed_ to feel safe. He also needed to let his feelings and emotions out and not just keep it all bottled in. So Jared figures that it's a good thing too. That Jensen feels safe enough to just _let go_.

But still. Jared will _never_ get used to it.

 

_~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~_  
This was supposed to be a happy day.

Jared had been looking forward to it the whole week and he knew Jensen had been excited too. He had bought a small gift to Jensen  the day before and had plans to get another one later too, and if the "Do _not_ look in my sock-drawer" and the unusual amount of giggles coming from his boyfriend was anything to go by, Jensen had bough something for him too. They were supposed to celebrate 5 months together. August the 8th, a Friday. Even though they had the whole evening planned, it wasn't anything too big. Jensen was going to cook a real home cooked meal for Jared , which to Jared's shame, he almost always did. (Jared was spoiled that way.) But this was going to be a three course meal which Jensen had promised "will not only knock your socks off, but hopefully also get you to finally realize that store bought mac  & cheese does not belong in this house." (Jensen was traditional that way.)   
After the dinner they had just planned on snuggling up in their big couch with popcorn and watch some movie (without really watching the movie). A quiet night at home. Just like Jensen preferred it. And Jared was perfectly fine with that too. He knew how restaurants and other public places stressed Jensen out and he wouldn't have a good time if he knew Jensen was uncomfortable.

But then it had all gone downhill.  It started in the morning when Jared woke up with Jensen's body draped across his chest. Now, it wasn't unusual for his boyfriend to transform to some kind of human blanket during the night, quite the opposite, and Jared of course didn't mind. But with Jensen's face so close to his own, Jared could very clearly hear the rattling quality to Jensen's breathing. He knew his boyfriend had been fighting off the beginnings of a cold for the past few days but clearly it had just gotten worse.

 

_~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~_   
_"Jensen? Wake up for me, babe." Jared carded gentle fingers through Jensen's sleep-tousled hair and patiently waited for green eyes to peep open. "Jay?" Jared's worry turned up a few notches. Jensen sounded absolutely miserable. "How you feeling, baby?"_

_"I'm just tired, Jay, I swear." Just as Jared was about to protest Jensen got thrown into a giant coughing fit. He coughed and coughed and Jared watched in horror as his face turned red and he lifted Jensen up into a sitting position so he could breathe easier. "You're alright, you're alright, just breath, babe."  Jensen coughed a few more times before slumping tiredly against his boyfriends warm chest. "'M sorry." Jared smiled a sad smile. Jensen had a habit of apologizing for everything and being sick wasn't any different._

_"Don't say sorry. I am however sorry that you're sick."_

_"But our day.."_

_"It's okay. We can still do the dinner and a movie but maybe I can cook if you're too tired?" Jensen looked at him skeptically. For all his insecurities, Jensen was still 100% confident in one thing, and that was cooking._

_Jared sighed. "Alright how about this. I cook but you can supervise and as soon as you sense the kitchen being in risk of mass destruction, you can take over, ok?  
Jensen seemed to think about that but before he could answer, a powerful sneeze made its way out. _

_"Whoa, ok, wait here." Jared carefully lowered Jensen back onto the bed and went to search for some tissues. But not before giving him a quick kiss._

_When he came back his heart broke a little at what he saw. Jensen was once again coughing and he was flopping around like a turtle on its back trying to lift himself up. Jared quickly walked over, put his hands under Jensen's armpits and lifted him up. He got himself settled against the headboard before he pulled Jensen to him. "Here we go." He grabbed one of the packs of tissues he had found and handed it to Jensen. "You kissed me" Jensen mumbled after he blew his nose._

_"Oh, I'm sorry, I will never do that again." Jared chuckled at his own joke but Jensen apparently didn't think it was funny judging by the pout he was sporting. "No, I mean you kissed my face. You kissed my snotty face."_

_"Oh...right" Jared hadn't even thought about that. It was just pure instinct to kiss Jensen whenever he got the chance. "Well I guess that means I really do love everything about you. Even your snot" and he kissed him again. When he looked at Jensen he was smiling, although his eyes were suspiciously wet. But Jared didn't comment on it. Jensen blew his nose again when the alarm clock started making itself known. "Shit. Alright, babe I've got to get ready for work, take it easy today, okay? And call me if you need anything." When Jensen just nodded and snuggled deeper into the bed, Jared knew he must be feeling really bad. He had expected to at least be accused of mother henning. He spent five minutes he didn't have stroking Jensen's back and made sure he had gone back to sleep before he got ready to go to work._

_Jensen's boss truly was a blessing. He had worked out a way for Jensen to work from home and he only had to come in to the office once or twice a month. The man even sent out emails regularly to check how Jensen was doing. Not to rush him about work, just to look out for him. Jensen had worked at the writing magazine for five years, long before Jared got into the picture, so his colleges all knew about his life before Jared, and how it was all but pleasant. They were very protective of him and a lot of them texted him often to see how he was. Or in the beginning of their relationship, see how Jared was. He understood why they had been so suspicious of him and his intentions at first. He truly was glad that they were so determined not to let the same thing happen to Jensen twice. But he was also very relieved that they were passed that face now. Now they all approved of him and a few of them had been to their house many times for dinner. Amongst them Jensen's boss._

_~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~  
_ Jared's face hurt. He was starting to worry about getting a locked jaw from smiling too much. He'd tried really hard to finish a little earlier at the animal shelter where he worked and it had paid off. Before he got home he had time to drive to the flower shop to buy one big sunflower. He hadn't even spared a glance to the giant bouquets of roses. He knew what he was getting and he knew it would make Jensen happy. He'd also had time to stop and by some medicine for Jensen before making it home half an hour early.

The car pulled up in front of their white brick house. Jared got out and tried to spot his boyfriend through one of the windows. He knew the chance was small but he was so beyond excited and just so very _in love_ , that he couldn't bare another second without Jensen in sight. He skipped up the stairs to their porch and made sure the flower was carefully hidden behind his back before he unlocked the door and stepped in

to a complete nightmare.

 

The sunflower fell to the floor at the same moment as Jared spotted Jensen. He was sitting on the couch in the living room with his legs drawn up to his chest. There were tear tracks on his pale cheeks and more fat tears rolling down them continually. But that was not what had sent Jared into panic. Jensen was frantically mumbling to himself and Jared didn't hear it all but what he made out was enough to send shivers down his spine. _"'M sorry, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me. I didn't mean too, I didn't mean to."_ Jared quickly toed off his shoes and hurried over to Jensen where he kneeled in front of him. He called out to Jensen but didn't get an answer. He intended to take Jensen's hands in his but that's when he saw it. Jensen was bleeding.

His right hand was covered in blood and Jared could see tiny shards of glass in there. But Jensen didn't seem to care. He kept muttering to himself and didn't seem to realize Jared was even there. Jared tried to get through to him again. "Jen, honey? Talk to me."

"I'm so sorry, please, please don't..." Jensen hiccupped and his voice sounded completely wrecked. He whimpered when Jared gently took his bleeding hand. "Jensen, C'mon you're scaring me here. What happened?" But Jensen still didn't respond. He wouldn't even meet Jared's eyes. And when Jared tilted Jensen chin up to get him to look at him, he almost started crying himself. Jensen's eyes were completely glazed over and they didn't focus on anything.

Jared's hand trembled when it reached out to touch Jensen's cheek and then his forehead.

Fever.

That would explain the confusion and glazed over eyes. But something must have happened to upset Jensen this bad. At first Jared's thoughts went to Jensen's ex. The abusive fuck who had spent two and half years treating Jensen like nothing more than garbage, taking pleasure in breaking Jensen down until he himself believed he wasn't worth anything. He had almost managed to break him completely before Jared found him.

Almost

 

_~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~_   
_Jared had decided to walk home. Stupid decision. His workplace was only a few blocks away from his apartment, but it was still a dumb decision to make considering that he was now soaking wet and the rain didn't seem to want to stop anytime soon._

_He pulled the hood further over his head as he passed the nice looking houses that he was not-so-secretly jealous of. He couldn't help but to look in through the windows while walking by. What he could see was mostly families with young children. But also a few elderly couples. There was one house though, the one at the far end, that concerned him. From what he had seen while passing the kitchen and living room windows there was a couple living there. Two guys. But their relationship seemed to be anything but ideal. He hadn't seen them much but he often heard loud yelling when he passed the house. They seemed to be at it again tonight. Even thought Jared was still a couple of houses away he could hear yelling. Suddenly the front door opened and one of the guys came out. He was carrying the trash out to the garbage can. Jared frowned. Why would he do that now, in the freezing rain? Suddenly the guy tripped and fell over, sending the trash bags to the ground where they ripped and spilled some of their contents out. Jared hurried over to him before he even knew what he was doing. When he reached him the guy had made it up to his knees and was trying to collect all the trash back into the bags._

_"Hey, are you alright?" Shit. When the guy flinched Jared realized his mistake. He hadn't meant to scare him. But he probably looked like a drenched moose towering over him and the poor guy probably hadn't heard him jogging over there over the loud rain._

_"Yeah I'm fine, thanks." Jared couldn't help but think that the guy was really beautiful. Even though he had only spotted a part of his face before the man had ducked his head again. Great, now he's just some creepy guy staring at people in the rain. "Here" he said and bent down "let me help you." The guy's head snapped up. "Wh-what are you doing?" He looked scared. Shit. "Sorry, I'll leave if you want. I was just..." Jared trailed of as he saw the nasty looking bruise beside the guys right eye and the split lip. The guy looked back toward the house. He seemed nervous. "Sorry I don't mean to be rude...but I think you should go now." His voice was quivering a little and even though he was only wearing sweats and a t-shirt Jared doubted it was only because of the cold.  
"It's ok man, I'll go, no problem. Just..hurry back inside ok? You're gonna catch your death out here." Jared tried to lighten the mood but when the guy just lowered his head and snorted, something twisted in Jared's gut. Reluctant to leave but not wanting to get the guy in trouble Jared stood up and started walking away. _

_"What's your name by the way?" Jared was met with a set of green unsure eyes. Just when he thought he wasn't going to get an answer the guy whispered his name. "Jensen."_

_"Hi Jensen, I'm Jared. Look...I work at the animal shelter down the road, do you know it?" A small nod. "If you ever need to talk to someone or...need some kind of help, just come there and ask for me, okay?" Jensen just looked at him. "I know you don't know me and you don't have any reason to trust me. But I think I could help you, man. I can't just see you getting hurt and not do anything. Even though I don't know you either." And with that Jared started walking. If Jensen wanted and needed his help he prayed he would contact him._

_~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~_  
"Jensen? Can you hear me? I promise you I'm not mad, just talk to me." Jared was getting desperate. Nothing he did was getting through to Jensen and every time he tried to take a look at his hand Jensen did these awful whimpering sounds and he couldn't take it anymore. He put a hand on Jensen's heart and when Jensen flinched wildly Jared finally started crying himself. He had never seen Jensen like this before. In the beginning of their relationship there had been moments where Jensen got lost in flashbacks and there had been a lot of nightmares. But nothing like this. Jensen's heart was racing under Jared's palm and he was afraid that Jensen would pass out if he didn't calm down soon. He slowly started rubbing Jensen's chest with one hand while the other wiped away the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks. "You're ok, you're ok, you need to calm down for me, babe. Can you do that? Slow down you're breathing." He tried to sound as calm as possible, which was hard since he still was fighting to stop crying.

"I'll never do it again I swear, please j-just do-don't, I'm sorry, 'm sorry. 'm so-" Jensen's frightened mumblings came to a halt when he started coughing. Between the coughing and crying he hardly got any air and started gasping horribly.

"Oh god, Jensen! _Jensen!!_ " In complete desperation Jared pulled Jensen to him, holding him tight and trying hard not to pass out with worry. He hit him a couple of times with his palm between his shoulder blades. "You're okay, sweetheart, you're okay. Shh Jensen, breathe for me!"  

And then finally, _finally_ , Jensen sucked in a deep breath, as if he had forgotten that's what he needed to do before Jared told him. The crying had almost stopped. Jensen was still hiccupping on every inhale but he finally seemed relaxed and not so scared of Jared. He was slumped against Jared's chest with his head resting on Jared's shoulder.

"Jensen?" Jared asked tentatively. He almost didn't dare to hope. He felt Jensen's trembling hand on his shirt and looked into his eyes. His eyes that were now blessedly focused.

"Jay?"

Jared smiled brightly. "Yeah, it's me, hi baby." He bent down to kiss Jensen tenderly on both cheeks. Jensen's whole face was sticky with dried tears and his eyes were red and puffy from all the crying.

"I don't...what's going on?"  

Jared ran a soothing hand down Jensen's back. "I was hoping you could tell me that. Do you know what happened to your hand?" When Jensen just looked at Jared with confused eyes, Jared gently took Jensen's bleeding hand in his and held it up for Jensen to see.

"Oh." Jensen studied his hand. "I don't...Jared?" Jensen sounded so scared that Jared carefully pulled him in for a hug. "It's okay, baby. We'll figure it out." He had no idea how but he needed to keep Jensen calm.

They stayed like that for a while. Jensen was exhausted and Jared was perfectly fine with letting him rest against him. It wasn't until Jensen coughed weakly that Jared remembered Jensen's fever. Great boyfriend he was..."Jen? I'm gonna get something to clean your hand with and some cough medicine okay?"

He helped Jensen back to the couch where he lay down. Jared felt his forehead again. He had to check the fever too, it felt pretty high. He hoped to god that neither the hand or the fever was bad enough to need a trip to the hospital. If there was one place that was going to send Jensen spiraling into panic, it would be a hospital. Jared hadn't seen it for himself. But from what Jensen had told him about his experiences and how he felt about hospitals, Jared had a pretty good idea.

Jared walked back into the hallway to fetch the bag with the chough medicine. He spotted the abandoned flower and cursed softly. A couple of pedals had fallen off but otherwise it looked okay. He took the flower and bag in to the kitchen. 

And that's where it all clicked. 


	2. Growing

It looked like Jensen had attempted to start cooking their dinner after all. And somewhere something had gone horribly wrong. There were shards of glass scattered all over the floor. And on the stove sat what looked like the beginning of their main course.

And that's when Jared smelled it. That distinctive smell of burnt food. Jared walked closer to the stove, careful not to walk on any glass an got it confirmed when he took a closer look at what was in the pot on the stove. Jared smiled sadly and his heart broke all over again when he realized that Jensen had planned on cooking his favorite meal, which was a delicious stew filled with lots of onions, tomatoes and different seasonings. And best of all, these pieces of meat that just fell apart in your mouth.

But this looked nothing like the drool inducing meal that Jared knew and loved. The onions and tomatoes were blackened and the burnt sauce was completely stuck to the pot.

"Oh, Jensen" Jared put a hand over his eyes and sucked in a trembling breath. Jensen has only told him about a handful of the times his ex had abused him. But the time he told Jared when he had accidentally burnt dinner is the one Jared remembers most clearly. And it makes his heart clench just to think about it.

Jensen had been cooking dinner for himself and Dave, his ex, when he had gotten a phone call from his mother. Apparently Dave didn't like Jensen's mother and often forced Jensen to ignore her whenever she called. So Jensen had taken the opportunity to talk to his mother, since Dave was still at work. He had turned down the temperature of the oven before sitting down on the couch in the living room. Unfortunately, Jensen had turned the dial on the oven the wrong way and instead of decreasing the temperature, he had accidentally elevated it. Dave had gotten home just when Jensen had ended the call with his mother and they both spotted the burnt steaks at the same time.

 

_~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~_   
_"What the fuck did you do? Dave gripped Jensen's shoulders tight and shook him. "You can't even manage some steaks now? God, you're completely worthless."_

_"Dave, please, I'm sorry. There are more, I can start on some new ones." Jensen desperately tried to apologize to his boyfriend._

_"And what makes you think you won't burn those too?"_

_"It was an accident, I swear! I must have turned the dial the wrong way." Jensen was crying now, knowing that he wouldn't be able to talk his way out of this situation._

_Dave gripped him tighter around his shoulders and Jensen whimpered. "You turned the dial the wrong way? That's a whole new level of stupid, Jensen, even for you. You don't know the difference between hot and cold? I'll show you the difference." Dave walked towards the bathroom, dragging a crying Jensen behind him._

_When Jensen realized where they were going he tried to get loose from Dave's grasp. "Please, Dave, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I promise it w-" Dave slapped him hard across his cheek. "You and your promises. You're not very good at keeping them, you know that?" Dave snarled at him before he pushed Jensen into the bathroom. Jensen stood in the middle of the small room, frozen with fear, and could do nothing but watch as Dave turned on the water in the shower. He was told to strip and did so with shaking hands. He knew better than to try and cover himself up. So he stood with his arms shaking by his sides, eyes downcast under Dave's scrutinizing look. Dave waited for the water to turn icy cold before he pushed Jensen under the unforgiving sprays. Jensen gasped loudly and immediately his shaking got worse._

_He had never felt so cold in his life. It was like the cold was seeping in under his skin and slowly breaking his bone. Just when he thought he was going to pass out, he felt himself being roughly pulled away from the water. His weak legs couldn't hold him up and he landed hard on the floor._ _He didn't realize Dave was speaking to him before he felt another slap on his stinging cheek._

_"You've got to focus now Jenny. Tell me, was the water warm or cold?"_

_It took Jensen a moment to understand the question. "C-cold."_

_"Very good." Dave said with mock pride. "Now let's try it again." Jensen could barely hear him over his shattering teeth._

_Dave waiter for the water to turn warm before executing the procedure again. This time Jensen screamed when the warm water hit his chilled skin. It felt like tiny needles were being pressed everywhere into his body._

_Dave was afraid Jensen's loud screaming would call unwanted attention to them so he pulled Jensen out faster than he had planned. Jensen collapsed on the floor yet again and lay there shaking and gasping for breath. When Dave asked him about the water he couldn't get out anything but a sob._

_Dave just huffed and stepped over Jensen's pale form. "I hope you learned your lesson." he said with disgust and walked out of the bedroom._

_~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~  
_ Jared quickly found a tall glass that he filled with water for the flower. Then he filled a second glass for Jensen before heading into the bathroom where he fetched the wound cleaner and bandages.

Jensen was a few years older than Jared. But right now Jared couldn't wrap his head around that. Jensen had fallen asleep on the couch. He was curled in a tight ball and his lips were slightly parted to make breathing easier. His cheeks were flushed from the fever and Jared thought he looked like a boy. A young lost little boy who craved safety more than anything. And Jared was more than willing to give it to him.

 _I love him_ , he thought as he made his way over to the couch. He put the stuff down on the table in front of the couch and turned his attention to Jensen. He stroked his cheek tenderly to try and rouse him." Hi, babe. You waking up for me?" Jensen's eyelids fluttered before slowly opening. And then he smiled. His hand was a mess, he had a high fever and he just suffered from a major panic attack. But still he smiles. Simply because Jared is there. And Jared thinks about how much he loves this man.

"Jared." Jensen croaked.

"Hi, Jen. You ready to take some medicine? I have some Tylenol and cough syrup for you." Jensen nodded and Jared helped him up into a sitting position. He handed Jensen the pills before helping him drink most of the water. Then came the coughing syrup which Jensen took without much fuss, just a grimace.

Jared was soothing and gentle as he tended to Jensen's hand. Some of the imbedded glass had to be drawn out with the tweezers and Jared switched between pulling them out and giving Jensen kisses. It was just gentle little kisses but still felt full of passion. It was a surprisingly intimate moment between the two of them. It took about 20 minutes for Jared to safely get all the glass out and when he was done he wrapped Jensen's hand in the bandages.

"You did so good, babe. I'm proud of you." he said as he kissed Jensen's forehead once again. Jensen didn't respond but he smiled and kissed Jared back.

Jared thought about how much the man in front of him mattered to him and how much it would hurt him if he ever lost him.

"I love you so much." He needed Jensen to know that. _Please know that I love you...that I would never hurt you._

"I love you too."

Jared breathed a sigh of relief. Things seemed to move in the right direction. He looked at the clock and realized how hungry he was. "Hey, Jen? You hungry? I can make some soup for us?"

That was apparently the wrong thing to say. Jensen's eyes widened, as if remembering, and despite his weakened state he got off the couch and up on shaky legs before Jared even registered he had moved.

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." He was trembling again and looking at Jared with big scared eyes.

"Baby? You didn't mean what? To burn the dinner? I told you, it's okay." He slowly rose, trying not to startle Jensen. But when he took a few steps closer to him, Jensen backed away.

"I'm sorry. Please don't- please don't hurt me." Jensen wrapped his arms around himself and started rocking. Jared's throat hurt so bad from holding back the tears that once again threatened to spill.

"Jensen" he said as firmly as he could. This had to stop now. He walked straight up to Jensen and cupped his face with both hands.  "Listen to me. It's me, Jared, not Dave. You're safe here with me, right, baby?. It's just you and me. No one is ever going to hurt you again." It took everything that Jared have to keep it going without breaking down when he leaned their foreheads together and Jensen made a stressed sound. "It's just me, baby, just me."  He rubbed at Jensen's back, feeling the shivers that ran through the other man's body.  

"Do you remember our first real date? We went down to the pier to watch the sunset and a seagull crapped all over your shirt. I remember the look on your face. There was this split second of shock before it turned into complete disgust." Jared smiled fondly. "It was so funny and I remember trying so hard not to laugh but it was sort of impossible." He felt Jensen start to relax and kept going. "Then we walked to the market and I bought you that huge hoodie so you could change and some popcorn that you flicked in my face as revenge." Jared ran a hand through Jensen's hair. Their foreheads were still connected. "I think I fell in love with you that night. I've never told you that. I guess...I didn't want to scare you off. Everything was still so new. But I'm so glad that I get to say that now every day. I'm so glad that you're still here, that you're mine. So very glad."

Jared felt Jensen fist the material of the back of his shirt.  

"Jare?" Jared breathed a sigh of relief. Jensen sounded like he knew where he was once again.

"Yeah, babe." Jensen made a small noise and pulled Jared in for a hug. Jared knew Jensen still felt vulnerable and insecure and in need for comfort so he didn't hesitate to meet the embrace.

"You're okay, it's okay. You know it's just you and me here, right? Nothing will happen to you here."

"Yeah" Jensen whispered. "yeah just you and me." Jared knew that Jensen's cheeks were red from more than the fever. He was ashamed.

"Let's get you to bed before you fall asleep standing."

Jared gently led Jensen to their bedroom and Jensen sleepily complied. Even though he knew Jensen could need some food, he didn't want to risk another episode. He didn't think either one of them could handle it. Jared also knew that Jensen, unlike himself, could handle missing one meal and still be fine.

He helped Jensen into one of his own t-shirts and when he lowered him to the bed Jensen was more asleep than not.

 

 _~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~_  
Jared couldn't clean the pot. It didn't matter how much he scrubbed. The scorch marks wouldn't budge. Sighing he put the pot out on the porch, hoping it would take the smell with it. He heated up some leftovers from the night before and ate it in the eerie silence.

He thought about how the night was supposed to have turned out and shook his head sadly. He made a promise to himself though that he would let Jensen know that it was ok. They could celebrate tomorrow instead. And Jared knew exactly how he would make everything better.

Well, try at least.

 

Jared couldn't fall asleep. He should feel tired after the night's events. But sleep just wouldn't come to him. Jensen was curled into his side fast asleep. He was breathing through his congested nose but at least his forehead didn't seem quit as warm now.

Jared pulled Jensen even closer to him and Jensen mumbled something in his sleep before dragging an arm across Jared's stomach.

Jared closed his eyes and thought about the first time Jensen had come to him for help.

 

_~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~_   
_It had been a quiet day at the animal shelter. Jared was feeding a litter of kittens when his colleague Anna came into the room._

_"Um, Jared?"_

_"Yeah? Oh..." she had this scared look on her face "Anna, what's wrong?"_

_"There is a guy here and he's asking for you."_

_It had been over four weeks since Jared had talked to Jensen in the rain and he had all but forgotten him._

_"You should hurry." Jared frowned at Anna's words but headed out to the front desk anyway. When he saw Jensen it felt like his heart stopped. Jensen was slightly hunched over and his face was a mess. His right eye was swollen almost completely shut and there was blood trickling down the side of his face from a nasty looking cut at his temple._

_"Jensen! Oh god! Are you..what happened??"_

_"I'm sorry I didn't know what to do and I remembered you said I could come here if.." Jensen's weak voice trailed off and when he looked up there were tears in his eyes._

_Jared nodded quickly. "Yes, yes of course. I'm glad you came here. Let's, um..let's get you to a hospital, ok?"_

_"NO!" Jensen actually screamed. "I mean, no just...please no hospital."_

_Jared didn't understand._

_"Why not?"_

_Jensen seemed to hesitate for a moment before answering._

_"Because he'll find me there."_

_Shit._

_"Alright, alright, man. No hospital I promise. But will you let me patch you up? I probably have everything we need right here." Jensen nodded and followed Jared into a treating room._

_Four stitches and 40 minutes later Jensen was looking much better. Jared had cleaned his face clear of the blood, stitched up the cut. Fortunately he didn't have any broken ribs as Jared first had suspected, just one bruised._

_Jared shook out some pills from a bottle and handed them to Jensen._

_"What are they?"_

_"It's okay it's just painkillers. They won't knock you out or anything." Jared reassured._

_Jensen took them with some water. "Thank you...for your help."_

_Jared smiled, tried to look casual. "No problem, man." Jared noticed the way Jensen was rubbing his arms. "Hey, are you cold?"_

_"No, it's okay really." But Jared was already looking for the blanket he knew they kept in there. He found it on one of the top shelves and brushed it off before laying it over Jensen's shoulders._

_"I'm sorry if it smells a little. The last patient who had it wasn't exactly human." That made Jensen smile a little and he pulled the blanket tighter around himself._

_Silence fell over them until Jared couldn't take it any longer._

_"It's your boyfriend , right? Who hurts you?"_

_Jensen ducked his head and started fidgeting with the blanket._

_"I don't mean to intrude but...I think it's really important that you get out of there. You can't live like this, Jensen."_

_Jensen finally looked up and whispered. "I have nowhere else to go." Jared's heart sank. The poor guy...Hoping he wouldn't freak him out to much, he told Jensen he could sleep on his couch. Jensen's eyes widened. "No it's too much, you've already done so much for me and you don't even know me!" That made Jared smile a little. "That's true. I don't really know you. But I know enough that I can say that you don't deserve what's happening to you and I'm not gonna just sit here and watch it happen._

_Jensen pulled the blanket harder around himself and started crying. He rocked himself a little and the tears spilled from the tip of his nose into his lap. Jared got up. He didn't know how Jensen would react but he had to do something. Jensen looked so young, still sitting on the steel table with his legs hanging over one side, bruised face filled with sadness._

_Jared slowly made his way over to Jensen and when he put his arm around Jensen's shoulder he got surprised, happily so, when Jensen leaned into him._

_"I think I um...I think yeah...I need some help. Please." Jensen looked at him with broken eyes, or the one that he could see through, and Jared nodded reassuringly. "Of course I'll help you Jensen. I'll get you through this._

 

 _~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~_  
Jared's eyes snapped open. He most have fallen asleep at some point after all. He closed his eyes and remembered what he had dreamt about. That day when Jensen first came to his workplace, and Jared had taken him home afterwards. It had taken a lot of reassurances from Jared's side and eventually Jensen had given in and slept on the couch.

After that Jensen had just sort of stayed. Jared had called the police and told them about the abuse but when they got to Jensen and Dave's house, Dave had already taken off and they hadn't seen him since. When Jensen hadn't come back, Dave had probably realized that he was in trouble and bolted. Jared would rather see him in jail but knowing that the coward would never come back to this city again was almost just as good.

Jensen had been very skittish at first. Even though he probably knew deep down that Jared wasn't going to hurt him, that he wasn't Dave, he almost always made sure there were a lot of space between them. Sometimes he leaned into Jared's hugs and reassuring touches, but sometimes he would flinch away. Jared had known from the start that it would be this way but that didn't mean it wasn't hard when Jensen cried standing pressed up against a wall or sitting in a corner too scared to know where he was, and Jared had to just stay back.

But then it had gradually, in very small steps, gotten better and better. They would eat meals together, even back then it was mostly Jensen who cooked. And when Jared made Jensen laugh for the first time, a genuine real laugh, by slurping up some spaghetti which hit him right in his eye,  he knew that he had feelings for him. That this deep desire of keeping Jensen safe had more to do with than  his natural need to take care of everyone. He was slowly falling in love.

The first kiss had surprisingly come from Jensen. They were standing close together by the kitchen counter, Jensen trying to teach Jared how to make homemade pasta. Jensen had told him  he had some flour on his cheeks and just when Jared was about to wipe it away, Jensen had been there. Soft pink lips gently kissing at his own.

From there it had moved pretty quickly and Jared still felt this overpowering joy, every single day, that he had made that stupid decision all those months ago, to walk home in the rain.

 


	3. Blooming

~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~  
Jensen peeled open his eyes carefully. He could feel the soft bedding under him and the covers pulled tightly all the way up to his nose, but it still came as a surprise when he got his blurry sight to focus and saw that he was in their bed. He shivered a little, both in confusion and cold. He didn't even remember eating dinner yesterday...  
Oh.  
Suddenly it all came back to him. Well, not all of it, just bits and pieces that his fevered brain could offer him. But it was more than enough to scare him.   
He had taken it easy the whole day, just as he had promised Jared. But even he got bored of laying in bed reading. So he had slowly gotten up from bed. Slowly, because he was having some problems with dizziness, and started with their dinner. Everything had been going along nicely. He took his time with everything, he even sat down when doing most of the prep instead of standing at the counter as he usually did. He had tried not to think about how cold he felt and how the coughing just wouldn't go away. He hadn't wanted a stupid fever getting in the way of their romantic night together.   
But then he had stepped up on the stool to get a glass. He had been completely overcome by dizziness and before he knew it, he had been falling. He had tried to catch himself with his hands, the only problem being the glass he still had been holding. 

Jensen looked down at his hand, only feeling the pain now that he remembered what had happened. It was wrapped tightly with bandage and when he tried to close it into a fist it stung. There was still this deep unsettling feeling in Jensen's stomach caused by not knowing much of what had happened. He doesn't remember getting his hand wrapped. He turned over to his right side and smiled when the person he knew was going to make everything better was right there.   
Jared was also awake but seemed to be lost in his own little world. He was lying on his back staring at the ceiling. Jensen stretched his left hand, the one that wasn't hurt, towards his boyfriend.   
"Hi, Jay." Did his voice really sound like that? He would have cleared his throat if he knew it was going to sound like that. Though it did catch Jared's attention who quickly snapped out of his day dreaming and turned his head towards Jensen when he heard his voice.   
"Hi, baby." He said gently. "You're awake! How are you feeling?" Jensen hummed contently as Jared leaned in close to kiss him on the lips once.   
"Better than yesterday. Still cold though." Every fiber in his body wanted to just lie and say that he was fine. But he knew that Jared would see right through him.   
Jared put his big palm on Jensen's forehead. "Yeah you still have a fever but it feels much better than yesterday." Jensen smiled, trying to show that everything was alright, before burrowing his face in the crook of Jared's neck.   
He closed his eyes in anticipation when Jared spoke again.   
"Jensen...what do you remember from yesterday?" Jared was stroking his back and Jensen knew he only asked because he was concerned. But he still couldn't help but to tremble a little. Jared seemed to notice. "Babe? it's okay. I'm just worried about you." Jensen nodded, his face still hidden.   
"I know, I know. Um... I remember starting with the dinner-"  
"Jensen..."  
"I had taken it easy before that, I promise! And I felt ok in the kitchen too, just a little dizzy and cold. But then..." he trailed off again. Embarrassed. He felt his hand being lifted and relaxed a little more when he felt Jared kissing it.   
"Then what, baby?" Jared pushed gently.   
"Well everything was going well until I had to use the stool to get one of those nice glasses we have on top of the top cabinet. That's when I got really dizzy and I fell. I tried to catch myself with my hands and I guess the glass broke in my hand when I landed on the floor." Jensen hoped to god Jared had heard his mumbled answer because he didn't think he could say it again. No wonder Dave had hurt him all those years. He deserved it. He couldn't even take care of himself without getting hurt so it was probably for the best that someone else hurt him instead, sparing him of the humiliation. He felt warm tears gather in his eyes and he swallowed painfully and tried to be as quiet as possible.   
But it was no use. Jared gently but effectively pulled Jensen back a bit so he could look at him. Jensen opened his eyes again and the tears finally spilled over when he saw the sadness written all over Jared's face.   
"Jensen it's okay. It's okay I promise you. You didn't know you were that sick, that's all. It happens to all of us. It doesn't mean anything. I'm just sorry you got hurt" Jared pulled him in for a tight hug, rolling them so he lay on Jared's chest. He hiccupped and sniffled a few more times before quieting down. How could Jared just know what had him worried? How could he just know?   
The quiet moment was ruined by Jared's stomach, proud mood-ruiner champion since 1982, grumbling loudly. Jensen giggled softly and it felt pretty good.   
"We better do something about that." He said and looked down at Jared.   
Jared smiled back at him and that felt even better. "Yeah I guess we better."   
The clock was already two so it was no wonder Jared's stomach was complaining. It was not happy about missing breakfast.   
When they walked into the kitchen Jensen stopped dead when he saw what was sitting in a tall glass on the kitchen table.   
"You got me a sunflower" he whispered, completely stunned.   
Jared looked at it as if he had forgotten about it. "Oh, yeah! I did. I remembered how much you liked the last one." He rubbed Jensen's arm and Jensen nodded quickly. Jared kissed him again. "Happy anniversary, love." Jensen kissed him back. "Happy anniversary." he whispered, trying hard not to cry again.   
He remembered clearly the first time Jared had given him a sunflower. It was one their second date. 

~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~  
"Oh, I have something for you before we go!" Jared pulled out something from behind his back and suddenly Jensen's sight was full of yellow and brown. Jensen laughed and pulled the flower back a little so he could see what it actually was. "A sunflower?" he tried to keep the dumb grin he knew was creeping up from showing but it was hopeless. Sunflowers were his favorite and he hadn't even told Jared that.   
"Yeah" Jared answered. He smiled but he seemed nervous. "I remembered that you told me you wanted to be happy. And that you hated feeling so weak...and apparently sunflowers are supposed to represent happiness and strength." He looked at Jensen and actually flushed. "Sorry, it's kinda silly. But it made me think of you. Not because you're weak though! But because you make me happy, Jensen. Very happy" Jensen looked at him questionably. How could that possibly be. But when Jared smiled at him with that smile that just made all your worries go away, Jensen believed him. "You make me happy too." 

~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~  
Jared put together some grilled cheese sandwiches for them, his one and only specialty, and Jensen loved them. He usually preferred a little healthier food, but cheese (especially in melted form), was his weakness.   
Jensen had just finished his first sandwich when Jared spoke. "So, I was thinking. I know you were making that stew yesterday, which I love. But maybe we could try that delicious pasta dish that you taught me? I think I've got it now and it would be best for your hand to not put any strain on it." Jensen was about to protest until Jared mentioned his hand. It probably would be for the best if he just observed tonight. And observe he would. He told Jared as much, giving him his best strict-mom look. Jared laughed. "I know you will. And I wouldn't have it any other way."  
They continued eating their lunches and somehow Jensen ended up in Jared's lap. He closed his eyes and smiled as they exchanged kisses and gentle touches.   
"You know we" *kiss* "don't have any" *kiss* "flour left, right?" They kissed for a long time before Jared reluctantly pulled away. "Yeah I know...I have to go out and by some. Should probably go now if" *kiss* "I want to make it back with all the" *kiss* "traffic." Jensen made an unhappy noise and laid his head on Jared's shoulder. Jared laughed softly. "I know babe. But I'll hurry back, okay?" Jensen kissed him on the nose before pouting. "Why can't I come with you?" And then he sneezes right in Jared's face and started coughing. He barely heard Jared say "That's why" over the hacking coughs and then felt Jared's hand rub his back. When it finally stopped he was beyond exhausted. And in need of comfort. So he took advantage of the fact that his boyfriend was a great substitute for a huge teddy and slung his arms around Jared's neck and hugged him hard.   
"Aww, my poor baby." Jared murmured. Jensen made an agreeing noise and didn't care that he was acting like a child, clinging to Jared like this. Then he realized that he had sneezed in Jared's face. He quickly got off Jared's lap and began the search for some paper.   
"Babe where are you going?" Jensen found a roll of paper on the counter and ripped of a piece. "I sneezed in your face." He offered as explanation and began drying Jared's face off. Jared snickered behind the paper and when Jensen pulled it down Jared was looking suspiciously mischievous.   
"I think we have shared enough body fluids by now to make us immune to each other's sicknesses. Jared waggled his eyebrows and Jensen just blushed before diving in for another kiss. 

~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~  
Jared was delighted. No wait, Jared was overjoyed.   
No.  
If overjoyed and delighted had a baby. Maybe it would be able to compete with the emotion Jared was feeling. He was sitting in the car, finally having been able to leave the house. To leave Jensen. He had made sure Jensen was resting on the couch with a cup of tea, in the belief that Jared was going to the store, when he left. He had never lied to Jensen before and it made his stomach twist a little knowing he would break that now. But it was all for a good cause. It took him 15 minutes to drive to the animal shelter and in that time he called both Anna, to ask about a few things, and his and Jensen's sweet neighbor, Miss Cooper, to ask if he could borrow some flour. Because Jared had no intention to going to the store.   
He parked the car and headed into the shelter. He went into one of the storage rooms where they kept the cages and beds for the animals and sure enough there was a red travel bed in the left corner just as Anna had promised. Jared picked it up along with a fleece dog bed.   
The dogs went crazy as usual when Jared stepped into the room with all the animals. They all wagged their tails happily and moved up to the front of their cages, hoping to be scratched. "Sorry, guys." Jared said apologetically "I'm just here for one of you." He walked up to one of the smaller cages and bent down. "Hey, boy." Inside the cage was a border collie puppy. It was just this tiny little thing, nothing more than a fluffy black and white ball, which Anna had found a few days ago left on the shelter's porch. Jared carefully picked the puppy up and cradled it in his arms. "You wanna come home with me, huh little guy?" The pup yipped an Jared smiled happily. "Yeah I think you'd like that, wouldn't you?" He put the puppy down in the travel bed together with a stuffed tiger that doubled as a heating pad for the small dog. Before he left he packed two bowls. One for food and one for water. He already had some dog food at home which Jensen always teased him about. But Jared always told him, it could come in handy, and guess what? He was right. The dog got to ride shotgun and Jared kept a steadying hand on top of the bag the entire drive so the puppy wouldn't tumble around.   
The puppies were the ones that was easiest to sell at the shelter, for obvious reasons. But the shelter had been doing really well the last couple of years and Anna and Jared had made the decision that if they found an animal that they would like for themselves, they could. Anna already had two cats and a chubby little pug and the only reason Jared and Jensen hadn't gotten a dog was simply because they couldn't agree on which kind of dog they wanted. While Jensen wanted a fluffy smaller dog that he could cuddle with, Jared wanted a dog that he could take with him when he was out running. But when he had seen the little border collie pup for the first time, he had to admit it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. And it was perfect for them. Jen would be able to raise it while it was still fluffy and little and Jared could take him out for runs when he got older since border collies are great running partners.   
It wasn't until Jared pulled up at their house that the nervousness came. What if Jensen didn't like the pup? Or if he took the whole thing the wrong way? Jared had a clear reason to why he decided to bring home the pup today of all days and it could backfire. Seeing Jensen so scared as he had been yesterday had broken something deep within Jared and he never wanted to experience that again. He especially didn't want Jensen to go through that again. Hearing his boyfriend plead, with fear clear in his voice, not to be hurt, was like a direct hit to Jared's heart. And he hoped the dog could provide some safety for Jensen when Jared wasn't there. Even though it seemed like Jensen didn't remember the whole "not knowing where he was" from the previous day, Jared wasn't going to take any risks. He hadn't planned on filling Jensen in either. Him not remembering was probably a blessing in disguise. Jared hurried over to Miss Anderson's house for the flour before stepping inside. 

Jensen was sleeping when Jared opened the door. He was so adorable. Before he left, Jared had thrown their huge knitted blanket over Jensen and now he almost couldn't see him under there. Jared carefully put all the things down on the floor, including the puppy that was blessedly quiet. Jared made sure that he was alright before heading over to the couch. He could see a few tufts of hair and Jensen's nose. Jared smiled as he lifted the edge of the blanket, peeking inside the nest Jensen had made for himself. Jensen sniffled and curled in on himself. Probably not too happy about some of the warmth being taken away from him. "Jeenseen" Jared sing-songed. "Wakey wakey." Jensen grunted before coughing himself awake.   
"Hi, I'm back." Jensen smiled and reached for Jared. Jared helped him sit up and wrapped the blanket around his shoulder when it fell down. "Guess what?" He said trying so hard to not sound nervous 'cause that would be a wonderful way of freaking Jensen out.  
"What?" Jensen said sleepily.   
"I have someone here for you." Jensen looked confused, a little nervous, so Jared hurried things along.   
"Wait here." Jared ran back to the hallway where the puppy was no yipping worriedly.   
"It's ok little man, shh. Jared's here." He lifted the dog out of the bag and headed back to Jensen, expectant to see Jensen's reaction.   
It was beautiful.   
"Jay...what?" Jensen sounded very confused. But he was smiling. God, was he smiling. He reached for the puppy, almost with grabby hands like a baby would and Jared handed him the little fluff ball. Jensen lay the pup on his own chest and Jared swallowed down the tears when the puppy crawled up just under Jensen's chin where it settled down contently. Jared cleared his throat before answering. "Someone left him outside the shelter a few days ago. No one has come to look for him and I just...fell in love with him. So I took him home." He watched as Jensen petted the little body delicately. "Do you like him, Jen?" He already had a pretty good idea but he needed Jensen to tell him.   
"Jay I-I love him." Jensen looked up at him with shining eyes and Jared bent forward to kiss him, being careful not to squish the little guy between them.   
"Oh he doesn't have a name yet." he remembered. "You have any ideas?" Jensen looked down at the puppy. "What about Alfie?"  
"Alfie...yeah I like that. It's cute." They smiled and watched the puppy sleep for a while. Jared got up from the floor and sat down next to Jensen. "Happy anniversary, babe. I love you."   
"Happy anniversary, I love you too."  
"Oh, I just remembered. I've got something else for you" Jared got up and ran into their bedroom before Jensen could reply. When he got back Jensen was looking at him through narrowed eyes.   
"You're poker face does not exist." Jared just shrugged and handed Jensen his gift. It was a t-shirt but it was rolled up so the print didn't show. Jensen took of the red present bow and started rolling the t-shirt out. Jared knew the exact moment when Jensen saw the print. Jensen stared at the tee before his eyes snapped up to meet Jared's. To an untrained eye it would look like Jensen was pissed. But Jared could tell he was trying hard not to laugh.   
"What was that you said about poker faces?" he said teasingly. Jensen calmly put the sleeping puppy down on a pillow on the floor before he launched himself at Jared. The t-shirt with the "I love gulls" printed on the front fell to the floor.   
"That is not funny!" Jensen attacked Jared with tickling fingers all over his body but he was laughing none the less. "Oh I think it is!!" Jared tried to avoid squealing like a pig when Jensen's fingers found his extremely ticklish sides. They tumbled around on the sofa until Jensen was overpowered by his own weak body. He slumped down on top of Jared and sighed contently.   
"Can we cook the dinner from here? I don't wanna move." he mumbled into Jared's chest. Jared laughed softly and put his arms around Jensen. "Probably would be a bad idea. Unless you want tomato sauce all over the couch." Jensen grunted his agreement before saying "I have something for you too, you know." He looked at Jared and they had their faces so close to each other their noses were touching. "You do?"  
"Yeah of course I do." Jensen smiled gently.   
"Weeell..where is it?" Jared played the puppy eyes card which made Jensen laugh.   
"You are a big child, you know that?"   
Jared rubbed their noses together. "I know. But you love it."   
"I do." Jensen smiled before pulling himself up. He slowly walked towards their bedroom and Jared looked over the side of the couch, checking Alfie out. The little one was still sleeping. Hopefully he would stay asleep through the night.   
Jensen came back with a small black box. He lifted Jared's hand and kissed it, just above the thumb, before he placed the box in Jared's palm.   
"I hope you like it" he said shyly. Jared couldn't resist and kissed his warm cheek. "I know I will."   
And he did.   
Inside the box laid a beautiful cuff bracelet of stainless steel. When Jared looked closer he could see that J&J was engraved on the inside. He lifted it up with a slightly trembling hand and put it on. It fit perfectly.   
"Jensen" voice thick with emotion. "This is..."  
"You like it?"   
"Don't ask silly questions." Jared answered with a breathy laugh and then they were once again kissing. 

~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~~'~'~'~  
The rest of the night Jared felt high on love. He made the pasta dish, with Jensen and an half awake Alfie rooting on him from the kitchen table, and it turned out pretty darn delicious. Jensen said he couldn't have done it better himself. Jared doubted that but it still made him oddly proud of himself.   
Alfie slept halfway through the night but then woke up whimpering. But after Jensen lifted him up on their bed and cradled him in his arms he settled quickly.   
Months past and Alfie grew bigger. He followed Jensen everywhere he went and often ended up in their bed at night. But Jared didn't mind too much. He felt much more relaxed now leaving Jensen alone and every time he looked at Jensen, he would have this glow around him and he always seemed to be smiling.   
Jensen still had some nightmares and flashbacks but they were few and far apart. And the flashbacks never had the intensity of the ones he had had while sick. His hand healed and he only got a small scar from it.   
They celebrated one year together and Jared bought Jensen a sunflower. When they celebrated two, he bought Jensen a sunflower and a ring.   
They both cried like babies at the proposal, but Jensen said yes. He said yes and Jared was the happiest man on earth. 

They would have a summer wedding. And there would be sunflowers everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I would love to hear what you thought of it!


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